will & t +1

It’s dry here. So we bought two humidifiers. But I’m not sure if they’re fit for the task. My hands still need a shea butter bath every few hours, and I still wake up with a dry throat and burning eyes.

“It’s dry here,” says my heart. Mercedes has been waking up more at night; I feel tired and ready for a nap just about the time I put both her and Cedar down in the morning. It feels like a fight to keep my eyes open and my heart wanting time in the word of God.

And the past few mornings what I’ve read hasn’t struck me in any way. I finish and feel like I walk away unchanged. 

Like yesterday. I read Genesis 32. When I was done I couldn’t believe how unfeeling I was. “This totally didn’t bless me at all!” I might as well have just read the newspaper.

Then God stirred…and somehow in my heart I YELLED—though silent—”I AM NOT LEAVING THIS CHAPTER UNTIL YOU BLESS ME!” If the blessing can’t be found here, I’m not going to find it anywhere. I’m staying. God, do it.

So I read it again. Genesis 32:22–32 is the story of Jacob wrestling with God. The “man” whom he wrestled with was about to leave him. But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

I almost couldn’t believe it when I read it. Wait…what my heart just cried out to God is what I just read. 

The story of Jacob not letting go is like me not letting go of the story of Jacob. 

And the blessing was odd. Jacob got a new name: Israel. 

It’s hard to explain the blessing I received. It was odd. It was a kind of surprise that even though I feel dry the truth of God’s word is still in here. 

Amazing grace.