will & t +1

I didn’t get an ultrasound when I was pregnant. I had a few reasons. I don’t think it’s wrong to have ultrasounds, so read on if you’ve had one. This is not a condemning post.

I’m one to question. Especially if I’m in an unfamiliar place. Like pregnancy. A kind, gentle caution from a dear friend about ultrasounds prompted a lot more reading and research than maybe is normal. I think my mom even encouraged me to “not read too much.” I know what she meant; I appreciate her for knowing my tendencies and trying to balance me a bit. 

Medical stuff aside, the main reason I decided to go ultrasound-free was this:

The womb is secret and dark and protected for a reason. That is where God does his intricate knitting work. My journey of trust in God to grow our baby was tied tightly to my choice to let what was hidden remain hidden. I didn’t feel like I could go and try to look inside and still trust fully in my Creator. Something about trying to know and see was an issue of control for me. I had to let go. I had to let go of ultrasounds.

I don’t regret it at all. I loved the peace that God brought. I love how he made Will to be my near-perfect match; he was right there with me. I think he actually said, “We’ll see her soon enough.” (He was hoping for a girl.)

I am fascinated by this cultural norm (ultrasounds during pregnancy) that wasn’t always a norm. I think my interested is partially fueled by all the conversations I had when I was pregnant. I was kind of the odd-ball for not coming home with black and white pictures of our baby. “So have you had your 20 week ultrasound?” was a question I got so many times, and never quite knew how to answer it without going into a 10-minute explanation.

So why the title, Ultrasounds and Abortion?

I am ashamed at how little I cared about abortion before Mercedes. It was an “out there” issue that zealots were fighting. The language was too strong, pro-lifers were too passionate, and… I was selfish.

I would never kill my baby; isn’t that enough pro-life for you?

Then you have a baby and are up all night with them and they grow and they laugh and smile and feel and are so helpless and so wonderful and so sacred. 

And then I think, “If I believe God made Mercedes, then God could have (stay with me here) made her in someone else’s womb. And what if that mom would have decided she didn’t want her and took a pill or had her pulled apart and scraped out?” 

No Mercedes.

No.

Mercedes was meant to live. That’s why God made her. And that secret, hidden, safe place God designed for babies to grow—a mother’s womb— is being invaded by chemicals and instruments.

So one morning I decided I didn’t know enough about abortion. And I was particularly interested to learn more about the effect of ultrasounds on abortion.

I was asking questions like,

“Have abortions increased or decreased with the use of ultrasounds?”

“If a woman considering abortion has an ultrasound does it guarantee she will change her mind and let her baby live?”

So, what did I find?

An afternoon of grieving. 

I watched videos of abortion. Read testimonies. Looked at pictures. Saw the instruments. Saw the legs and arms and heads of babies lying on tables. 

And the most powerful video I watched used an ultrasound.

I set out thinking ultrasounds would be a culprit. I was wrong. And that’s good. We can now see 11-week-old babies squirming away from abortion instruments in the womb.

This post is long and probably tastes bad to some.

But O God, be pleased to use it to send even just one person on an afternoon of searching and learning and watching and grieving. Awaken us from our stupor and make us care deeply for mothers and fathers and babies.

Will and I are doing a Bible reading plan. We’re on schedule to read through the Bible twice in one year. Four chapters a day from four different books. Thus far, it has been really surprising. 

I’m surprised by this:

routine is making room for spontaneity

How can God really speak through scripture to the day-to-day joys and struggles when I’m on a “plan”? The chapters we read are set. But our lives are not so set. So how can the two align?

I don’t know.

But they can. And they are. (And I think the answer might have something to do with our all-knowing, sovereign God who always desires to speak to his sons and daughters through the words of Scripture.)

Today the first chapter I read was Genesis 16. In short…

• No children from Sarai
• Sarai tells Abram to go into her servant, Hagar
• Abram listens to Sarai
• Hagar conceives and then looks with contempt on Sarai
• Sarai complains to Abram, who tells Sarai “do to her as you please”
• Sarai deals harshly with Hagar
• Hagar flees
• God meets Hagar and tells her to go back and submit to Sarai
• Hagar bears a son, Ishmael 

Sound familiar?

Where else have I read about a deceived woman giving her husband something that she never should have given him, and the husband tragically listening to the ill counsel of his wife?

Ah, Adam and Eve.

In Genesis 3 it was fruit. In Genesis 16 it was a woman.

Both were given to the man by the woman. Adam listens to Eve. Abram listens to Sarai.

Like father, like son.

When God pronounces a curse on Adam, he says, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife…” (Genesis 3:17)

After Sarai tells Abram to take Hagar as his wife and bear children by her, we read, “And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai.” (Genesis 16:2)

O women! Eve! Sarai! Theresa! How you desire to rule over your husband! And look where it leads: Death. Contempt. Bitterness.

Like mother, like daughter.

Could the “curse” on the woman in Genesis 3 actually be a blessing?
Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.

What if Abram would have ruled over his wife?

“Sarai, I will not go in to Hagar. We must trust the promises of God. The Lord is faithful. And the Lord does not require this wickedness to keep his promise that our very own son shall be our heir.”

I guess we’ll never know the outcome of Abram ruling over Sarai in this situation. He didn’t do it. He listened to the voice of his wife.

But I’m grateful to God for Abram and Sarai and Hagar and Ishmael and the mess created by disobedience.

It makes me not want to be “a voice” to Will so much.

And I makes me want to submit to Will’s leadership, because as a daughter of Eve and Sarai, I am easily deceived. And God has, in a sense, provided some protection in the form of husbands. 

Come, women, let us walk in the light of the Lord, and trust his hand of protection that often times looks like Will’s hand… or Dan’s hand or John’s hand or Haden’s hand or Caleb’s hand or Bill’s hand or Steven’s hand or Roger’s hand or Rick’s hand or Ian’s hand…

Our girl is 6 months old!

And as such, she’s…

• huge. 18lbs 13oz, 26 inches long.
• ready to get her hands on some solid food. We’re starting this weekend!
• making at least 5 new sounds (this may not seem like a big deal to the non-parent, but for months all you hear is a few different versions of “cry.”)
• transferring things from one hand to the other.
• dropping things just to watch them fall.
• responding to her name!
• reaching for things with new energy and vigor while on her tummy.
• sleeping through the night consistently (praise the Lord!), though not napping as long during the day.
• happy…usually. 
• wearing 12-month-old clothes.
• harder to put down for bed at night (we think it’s because she’s more and more aware of what’s going on…”but mom and dad are still up!”)

• making mom proud, holding on to those blue eyes!
• getting cuter everyday. Wouldn’t you agree?!
• most content when there are people around talking.
• making noises with toys. Yesterday she grabbed two measuring cups and banged them together.
• dad’s favorite toy.
• responding differently to my voice when I’m reading a book. Ear to ear grins!
• easier to read when she’s tired. I love when she rubs her eyes and yawns.
• spreading her arms out a lot like the picture below. This must feel pretty neat!

• sleeping on her side a lot.
• still loving sucking her two fingers on her left hand. But won’t take a pacifier.
• a bath-time junkie. She practically transforms when we put her in the water. “Thanks grandpa and grandma Presley for the ducky tub!”
• a total delight and joy to her parents.
• a gift. Every morning we see her wake up…she’s still here…she’s still ours…she’s a miracle.

Disclaimer: This post is about infant potty training. As such, “pee” and “poop” will be used in abundance. This may not be suitable for all audiences.

It’s time for the world to know: Mercedes goes pee and poop in her little red Baby Bjorn potty. She’s almost 6 months old; she’s been at it since 6 weeks.

Encouragement: Read the entire post, then judge. 

I wish I could say this idea was my own. But I can’t. It wasn’t. 

It all started one day in the Walker Library in Uptown Minneapolis. I was looking for books on childbirth, babies, being a mom…just trying to learn something about what in the world was going on inside me and what would eventually come out and what I would do about it (I was maybe 20 weeks pregnant). 

A book titled The Diaper Free Baby caught my eye, I grabbed it, read it in a day, and was talking with Will over dinner that night about how our baby wouldn’t wear diapers and would grow up knowing how to pee and poop on command.

It’s (this business of teaching your baby to go in the potty) called EC: Elimination Communication. No Josh, not “Evacuation Control.” Elimination Communication. 

The basic idea is this:

Babies have hunger cues.
Babies have sleep cues.
Babies have elimination cues.
Like us, babies don’t like to sit in their pee/poop. 
Babies like going pee and poop on the potty like us! 

So, what do you do? Well, you buy a little red potty from Target for $14, invite Brett and Kelina over, and hold your 6-week-old baby over the potty while making a “pssss” sound. And they will go pee. 

Well, maybe it won’t happen just like that, but that is what happened for us! We have witnesses. Mercedes went pee the first time I put her on the potty. 

What a gal. I was so proud. 

And since then it’s been a diaper-free, pee and poop “catching”, pssss and uuughhhh sounding household. Her bum was and is rash-free, I had months of not changing a single poopy diaper, and it’s fun.

It’s really fun! We both still smile every time she goes. 

And honestly, it’s not more work than changing diapers all the time. 

But wait, don’t babies go all the time? They just leak, right?

Wrong. 

Babies actually have (or so I read, and Mercedes certainly does) elimination patterns. For example, Mercedes usually goes pee right after I feed her, about 10 minutes later, and then right before I put her down for a nap. She goes poop, if at all, right after I feed her. 

Does she really have cues? 

Yes! She still gets squirmy and fussy right before she has to go. She’ll start grunting right before she has to go poop. And now she “shivers” right before she has to pee. I love knowing what she needs. I see it, then to the potty we go! I set her on it (it’s business time when her bum hits the plastic) and I cue her by making a pssss sound, or grunting if I think she has to poop. It’s silly, but totally awesome.

Hope for the future?

That someday soon, when she’s moving, she will see her red throne and start looking at it or moving toward it when she has to go. 

We didn’t have her red potty over Christmas break, but she still amazed her grandparents by going pee on the big potty. 

Want to do EC with your baby but are afraid of what people will think?

Don’t worry. There are actually EC support groups in many cities. No kidding! It’s not easy being the only parent on the block with a little red potty. People start asking questions when they see it. And hear you in the back room “communicating” with your daughter. Ha!